When it all surfaces

This is where I get emo/whiny/deep and vent all my troubles. This is where I talk about all the recent activities of mine that caused no emotion at the time but instead stored them away for later. Now is that later. I have come to the (very) slow realization that some actions have been so far out of my character in the past few months. Maybe so far that I was unable to grasp the reality of them. However far away, they were far enough to void a normal reaction or shock. I would love to be a 'dgaf' and say 'no regrets' but not possible. Who doesn't regret saying/doing something wrong or holding back from saying/doing something you know you should of, something that could've change a situation completely. I believe every regret, mistake, or misfortune adds to a person's growth and always has a reason for happening. Hard to coupe with, but truthful.
New Year's resolutions. People make them and rarely stick to them. I do not normally make any, but this year I want to change that. I want 2009 to bring unity, love and success. Details left out for sake of... well they just don't need to be explained and I do not have 2 days to explain them. I know their meaning, their specifics and am praying I can at least work my way towards the goals. I need to get my head back on. Not go back to 'how I was' or 'be myself again' because obviously I am still being myself... it is quite impossible to be anyone else. My need is to take my new happenings and twist my reactions so that they are not in denial of events that have happened or ignoring it all together, but make it so that I face reality and process all that it entitles like a healthy minded being. Is anyone healthy minded tho? I mean definition of the term please. I believe my friends and I decided today that no one is sane. We are all crazy in our minds it is just a matter of whether you say that craziness out loud. So let me rephrase that statement... I would like to process life so that I can continue in it with a new knowledge from every moment. Its the only way to live it to its full potential.

Now... I believed that is Emo enough. I will cut it there and run off to read my girly magazine advice articles ha I have become 'one of those girls'

I make myself sick. And I should go talk to Shelbs who is down for a visit. Aaaaannnnddd I miss Kari terribly.... although am oh so proud of my lil lady=) love you woman

Over. and. out.

The Great Escape...

... is what I could use right now. Finals. Boo. I will be up until 8am doing this history final due at 10am. Procrastination? Uh yeah... just a little. And it is biting me in the ass now.

Yet here I am writing a blog so I can procrastinate further =) I do not learn. Its a charming quality of mine.

Well, since I am at it, lets vent a little shall we? OoOo k. While distracting myself from my nonsense final I stumbled upon Shelbs' blog and then on to Josi's... they inspired me to write a little. I would like to get this thing back in routine.

I am not going to spill all that has happened between my last blog and now buuuuut I will say there hass been definite change. Change is always sgood when going in the right direction. My question... is my change headed that way? Who knows. At times I think the new adventures I am partaking on are wrong, bu only becuase I feel as though I should feel that way. Guilt only becuase I know if I told my mother she would think I shsould feel guilt. Strange. However, exciting. San Diego is a new world. There are battles between friends, with the parentals, when balancing a budget , when juggeling work and school and within myself. Growth I guess is what you could call it. I am growing up. Yay for me.
It is a homey feeling here though. This city could be home for a couple, maybe a few years. In fact, just decided to stay here next year instead of moving to LA. Although I am sad I will not be under the same roof as Shelby Jean, I will visit often. This place jusst seems a better fit for me. Before the living decision I did decide to switch majors to the more business side of FIDM with Merchandise Marketing. An event planner is my latest career thought. And I just had a co-worker offer to help me get a job with an wedding planner who is a friend of hers. Score! I would like to test this arena out. I only think I'd love it. Need to test this thought out.
Boys. Need to leave my life. Men. Need to enter. Well.... really just one man. Thought I caught one just to have fun with but low and behold-- he is playing games. I do not like demanding attention; it is not something I need/want often. But when I want it... I better damn well get it. Throwing a fit. When did text messaging become so important?
Summary of the last two nights:
Work late
Come home to drunken roommate and our guys
Refused to drink due to rough weekend
Jumped in spa at 2am in underwear (well the guys were)
Got yelled at by one big dude
Passed out or attempted to-- failed due to drunkards running through the aparment complex causing an unbelievable rukus which I was amazed didn't bring security to our door
Woke up
Ate Chipotle!!
Worked on final and realized how long it was really gonna take
Worked
Now-- home, working on final, listening to Tegan & Sara, listening to Seanie boy passesd out in 'the cave', having a little cocktail

Beautiful.

Back to history. What did Eisenhower do to change our economy? I don't know either.

To Do:

- Clean my room (its a disaster zone)
- Start and finish my research paper due tomorrow
- Ship my first book sold on Amazon.com woo hoo! I'm making some money
- Put those damn dresses up on eBay before Prom season is over
- Get some lunch with Dom Dom and her new man
- Pick apart Dom's new man
- Approve or disapprove of the new, hopefully, man and not boy
- Get these certain thoughts out of my head about a certain someone
- Read, read, read for Political Science-- the other students in there know their ish and there is a discussion (normally turned into a battle of knowledge) tomorrow

Can my life get anymore exciting? Yes, actually... when I add in the Angels game tonight! Now my life on the fun-o-meter hit about a 3?... Yeah sounds about right. Totally stoked on the game though. Last time I went it was with the same group of girls and oh man it was a good night.
Tailgating + game= much better choice then beach trip... not so beachy weather outside.

That list barely sums up what needs to get done these next couple weeks really. I am realizing that move in day is coming closer and closer. I don't have a bed yet. I have a duvet cover... but no furniture or decorations of any kind for mi dormitoro (spanish for room, right?). Not good.

Whew... changes are gonna be happening soon. I both welcome and refuse them. Mixed emotions definitely. I'll just go with the saying 'change is good.' Lets hope the ones to come are.

PS Can't wait to see you Shebster!! 1 day

San Diego... and then some

Home of UCSD, STDSU and FIDM! I got to register for classes today and was totally siked when I thought school was only going to happen for me two days a week. Then I hear FIDM students have an average of about 20-25 hours of homework a week. Looks like schools going to be going on pretty much everyday of the week. No time for work? Hope there is. I need money. Which was evident today when I went to fill up my gas tank to go home after Kayla and my lovely day of shopping for our new home; there was no money on my debit card and a dollar in my purse. After already borrowing a chunk of money from Kay I had to call her and ask her for more in order to get home. Ten dollars in an empty tank won't get you too far, but somehow it got me from San Diego to Riverside. The last 20 minutes of driving on 'E' was definitely worrisome. Luckily I made it to an Arco station where my mommy came to my rescue and filled up my lil baby. Nothing like the feeling of a full tank of gas, eh? Seriously though, I love to feel like I can go anywhere.
Where would I go if I could really go anywhere? At the moment I'd choose Assyria.... hundreds and hundreds of years ago, when the Hanging Gardens of Babylon were still 'hanging.' I was told to look up that topic tonight and what did I learn? That it would truly be amazing to see this member of the Seven Wonders of the World. Plus, these scientists in a video cannot figure out what system they used to carrying so much water up to water the gardens. They got me wondering as well; it would be nice to find the answer. This new topic of historical mysteries... hooked! I'm watching videos at 12:30 at night, now that has got to be interesting.
Interesting? I was asked what am I interested in... and am still stuck on how I could not answer that seemingly simple question. I threw out some random answers like 'educating myself.' Then strangely said I would like to know more about animals, history and politics (wth?). I even fell on the cliche "live life to it's fullest." Beautiful Britt... that does not cover my interests one bit. I thought I was answering to simply, so then began to think into specifics of what I was interested in and honestly... my mind went blank. Conclusion? I am still figuring out my interests. Unfortunately, I never took the time to identify what truly interests me. Well, that's what this age range is all about right?

Ok, so done with my emo writings for the night.
Exciting events:
May 27th- Ms. Shelby Jean comes home from her journey to the Middle East
June 6th- Papa Moore comes to town!! my amazing grandpa from Arkansas (or Oklahoma? I can never get it straight)
June 8th- MoVe In DaY!! My apartment is officially mine and Kay's
June 12th- RCC is out of my life
June 13th- Evan (prayerfully) graduates from high school.
July 10th- School is in session.

Let's hope somewhere in between Evan's graduation and school starting, I get a job. I'll actually have bills to pay.
Who wants to bet I won't get up for school... again? Let's hope they wouldn't win.
Bed.

An Unexpected Book or Two

Ok you know the saying never judge a book by its cover? Well truth is, everyone judges, whether they are conscious of it or not. Occasionally, you can find your initial judgement to be right or at least in the same ballpark. But wow... recently, two people have shown me how completely wrong you could be. A girl who all dolled up from her high heels to her hair extensions gave me the impression she was "one of those girls." You know the shallow, dramafied ones? (Do not get me wrong, I love you if you are reading this =)) I had this judgement in my head only to be destroyed as I got to know her more and more. Shes battled a serious illness, has more depth than most people I have met in my life and has drama, yes (who doesn't?), but does not go looking for it.
The main person that rattled my brain a little was a guy I thought to be completely mellow, super religious and, I guess you can say naive (please don't be offended by that). I was so far off base that I was practically speechless when he shared stories of his past and his current beliefs, or lack there of. Me, speechless= a very rare happening. I at least have something stupid or random to say. My mind could not really grasp it I guess.
Now I know I have been wrong in judging before ( it is a habit I am trying to break), I just have never been so distant from the truth before. Does that mean my people skills are getting worse? Hope not.
Oui... enough with the epiphanies. Tomorrow is registration day in San Dee-a-go. That means I am one step closer to school and one step closer to my new home =) Its definitely going to be a change and I have mixed feelings about leaving R-town, but... happy/excited outweighs all the others. Time has come for me to hit the next 'grown-up' stage. I think my mom is nervous (and shes already talking about when I come home), but I know its the best choice as far as our relationship and my maturity goes.

In other news:

-Still no men on the radar; although, Kayla is making it her mission to find me one.

-Kari, Kayla and I are getting a new toy.

-My Poli Sci professor said I will pass his class! Yay

-World Relgions tonight had a great guest speaker on Christianty

-I got a great work out today (finally)

-I found a new person I really enjoy talking to

-New topic of interest: Egyptian Heiroglyphics and Egyptian history as a whole. Challenging myself to do some self educating on this one.

If I continue to write it'll just be rambling. (As if I wasn't doing so already, right?)

Nighty night.

Strength

What defines strength? Physically, the signs of strength can be obvious; bulging biceps or killer abs. But what about mental strength? dictionary.com (yes i actually looked it up) defines it in many ways. One way being "moral power, firmness, or courage." That's not something you can see at first glance. I believe strength from within is shown in how disciplined a person is or how much control you have. My definition can be easily opposed as you go deeper into what gives a person strength. Is it holding back tears? or letting them out? walking away from a relationship? or giving it a chance? what about admitting your faults? does the fact that I can't make myself sit down and do homework make me weak? maybe ha but discussing my weaknesses is not the direction I want to go. Many would say someone who cries often is weak; however, how else are those feelings of grief/disappointment/pain supposed to come out? Perhaps through a blog? It is amazing how writing our feelings down can bring such a release to our soul (slightly corny i know). Better yet, it is amazing how writing our feelings can be much easier than saying them out loud. What sparked this post tonight was a friend's blog that finally told her father to step up and be a real man. Proud and disappointed are the feelings I got after this reading. Proud of my friend for not walking away from her father to try and mend a family. Proud of my friend being able to admit she cried and hurt. Proud of my friend for forgiving not one, but two men who had abandoned (one physically and one emotionally). Just proud of my friend for the journey she has made to the amazing woman she is today. And disappointed in the reaction from her father. Disappointed in his inconsideration, his inability to level with the only daughter who stuck by him, his cowardliness in letting another person control his actions towards and love for his daughter and pure disappointment in expecting an apology for his daughter speaking (or typing) her mind. With respect, you did take part in raising her, sir, to be the head strong person she is.

That blog, along with a collection of previously told stories, makes me even more grateful for the love and support of my family. It also, leaves me in disbelief to how someone can be so blind. The man cannot open his eyes to see the successful and godly woman his daughter has become. Instead of support and love, you fills her head with the idea that his actions are what someone who truly cares for her does. Which leaves the girl searching for support elsewhere and eventually creating a family of her own. I am glad to be a part of that family dollface. I pray you dad will read this and realize he is missing out on a wonderful person since he won't allow you home. Sorry to put your business out there. The feelings needed to come out... and what better way to release them then a blog, right?

With more love and support than you can handle,
Me

In the Begining...

God created a little girl name Brittany. Who decided to spend the last couple hours reading about other peoples lives and thought to herself, 'why am I reading about the lives of others instead of writing about my own? Do I want to be the girl that reads all the fun stories and life experiences or do I want to have my own adventures to tell?' No, not really. I did not think that hard into it. I just figured I could use one of these babies to share my oh-so-intriging details of my life and my deep, passionate or pondering thoughts. Plus I found myself wrapped up in others entries I thought it would be nice to bring people into my world and share my emotions. Unfortunately I have no stories or thoughts to be written in this post. My brain is fried due to the fun activities I took part in last night and the fact I have now been up for over 24 hours. All I have to say is I miss my Jensen, I am excited for San Diego, stressed about Poli Sci and laughing at myself for my brilliant acts. Next post will most likely be a background of my life. Boring. So lets hope I get some mind blowing philosophical questions between now and then or an epiphany of some sort.

Love you Shelbsters. Can't wait for your return. You are in my thoughts and prayers dollface